If Only I Had Known
by Evilvampirebunny
Summary: Sasuke realizes the truth about Itachi, and reflects on his feelings.


**Disclaimer**: I own nothing  
I suggest you listen to the song Hurt by Christina Aguilera while you read my story because that is the song that inspired this writing. I feel it would make more sense if you did, but maybe it could would work either way.

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I can see it all now. You had your reasons. I had mine. From the beginning it was for me; all for me. In your own cryptic little way I now see you were proud. Although I wasn't strong enough, and you knew I could grow, you regretted hurting me. It pained you. You longed to protect me and hold me. Save me from the cruelties of the world. You're kind and your heart is soft towards me. All along I was wrong. Everyone was wrong. You weren't some heartless Uchiha, you never were. You were just a confused kid with no other option. You couldn't change anything other than my fate. They forced your hand. You loved me. You loved mom and dad, but you knew our family, the Uchiha's were wrong. The ill feelings in our family dated back long before we were born and you could change nothing. You were just a pawn in everyone's game, yet you were unpredictable, you were strong. No one could control you. Yet, the family, they were power hungry. You saw everything, you heard their plans. You understood more than you should have; experienced more than you should have. And through it all you protected me.

I should have known. You truly were the caring older brother I had always wanted. You were the brother I had originally thought of you as. My respect for you was never wrong. You were the amazing ninja I believed you to be. You were strong, quick, smart, and level headed. You were always there for me. Your feelings were never faked. I was your baby brother and you loved me just as I loved you, and those feelings never left, they were just hidden behind years of loneliness. I didn't only lose my mother and father, I lost my brother too. I needed you. More than I would of ever needed my parents. Mother loved me, father loved me yet you were their pride and joy and they never gave me the attention they did you until they thought you weren't going to be molded into exactly what they wanted. All along I just wanted someone to be there, most of all I just wanted it to be you back though, but I hadn't realized you never really left. Even when I didn't know it you were looking out for me. Everything you did was in my best interest. I hate to admit but it was you that made me strong. I made myself alone by becoming obsessed with my anguish. You may have pushed me into that direction but I was the one that took it too far. I was obsessed. I was the reason I ended up alone. And even now, I know I'm still doing wrong. My revenge was unjustified. You weren't the one to blame. You never were. You saved my life.

I wonder what you thought of me. In those last moments you smiled. Blood dripped and you were clearly in pain yet you smiled. You were fearless. In your weak state you advanced, you touched me and I was simply frozen scared to do anything. In those moments you seemed stronger than I had ever believed because you just wouldn't give up. Your words came and they filled me with so many emotions. Sadness, pain, anger, lost, confused, and nostalgia. I didn't know what to do. Did I finally have enough hatred? Or did I ever really hate you? You never really wanted my hate, did you? Brother, then and even now I still love you. My heart swelled with pride when my attacks hit their target, it meant my skills had improved, yet I found myself in pain as I hurt you. Does that make sense? I hated yet loved your pain. Maybe it was the same for you, you enjoyed the pain knowing you were helping me yet you were hurting yourself by hurting me?

I should let you go. Let the revenge go. Move on. I've avenged the clan, but I can't do that. The avenge punishment was recieved by the wrong person. You were an innocent. No matter what anyone believes or what anyone says. I killed you. We're no different. I played right into the village's hands just as you did. They wanted you dead. You were a reminder of a dark history they wanted gone. And so am I. They'll pay. All of them.

You were the perfect ninja. You sacrificed everything for your village. Pride, family, respect, all of it. It was unappreciated though. The plan was for no one to ever know, but I'll make it known. You, Itachi Uchiha will forever be known as the best ninja there ever was. I've nothing left to lose any more. No true reason to live other than prove your innocence. Show everyone the truth of the Leaf Village and what the did those years ago.

You're gone. I never knew the true feeling of loneliness until now. I am the only Uchiha.


End file.
